The Reason I leave

March 4, 2010

I didn’t want to leave you. I wanted to stay for the entire evening. I would have dealt with that ridiculous crowd filled with rambunctious youths that stomped the ground with their so-called dance moves and made the house shake like a miniature earthquake. I would have dealt with the women whose familiarity was only recognized through an evening encounter or two. I would have sat back and listened to that god awful Lady Gaga song, any of them, and watched an assortment of girls who lacked any maturity whatsoever dance and drink like harlots in training. I wanted to so badly to embrace you in the same way we did just 24 hours earlier. I wanted to feel your lips pressed against mine with the same passion and feeling just as it was the previous day. I replay that meeting in my head over and over again, the surprise to see you again after a long absence, the look on your perfectly sculpted face as we locked eyes for what seemed like forever. I remember the laughs, the jokes, holding hands and walking together while a subtle mist of snow landed gently on our faces. It was as close to heaven as I’ve been in a long time, and this is where it has to stop. I want you, but I’m afraid of you, afraid to hurt you, let you down, try and be something I can’t be. You made me so happy, yet so worrisome. I can love you, but I’m unsure if I can right now. It’s a painful reality when you want something that you know is so perfect, yet you are so far from it that it makes you mad. Why waste time? Why hurt each other? That’s why I left you, not to be hurtful for the present, but to prevent you from hurting in the future.

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