Subtle Serenity

Mellow warm nights beneath purple lit skies.

Sand grains filter beneath her feet

similar to the grains that seep slow

in the hourglass that winds down another day.

Peering into the ocean, so similar to her

beautiful in vision, serene when in her presence.

A smile comes across her face,

the newness of happiness

fresh as baby lilies that blossom in spring.

Swaying with the breeze

as she happily hums her favorite tune.

Caught in a moment she couldn’t imagine,

comfortable in her own skin

finding joy in independence

A long time coming, but well-deserved.

Silly, Naive

A new school love with an old school feeling

Naomi Watts mixed with Julie Andrews

Similarities in the ways we lose

Still we let our hearts reach for the ceiling

Afraid to love you, as you are with me

We’ve shed too many tears mixed with our fears

Love’s Labour Lost has aged us many years

At times we feel like sailors lost at sea

Fools for love, fools for lust, fools by all names

With one kiss we think we found endless bliss

Naïve and foolish love’s the drug we crave

And more often than not we seem to miss

So once again we try to solve this maze

And hope our hearts won’t be torn to bits

A Revelation In The Oval, Spring

There are moments in any person’s life where they have an out of body experience. You may have felt one of these moments before, ; it is where something so amazing happens you become caught in the moment and can’t move. It’s a genuine moment: a moment that is a combination of exhilaration, ecstasy, and fantasy, yet is happening in real time. It’s a moment where in a world based on imperfection, pure perfection.

I remember lying on the oval on a warm spring night with a girl that I was into, yet knew the extent of our relationship. I met her during a holiday party my second year at OSU, where she and I locked lips, exchanged numbers and began a long winding road through friendship, physical rendezvous, and new-technological ways of flirting. It all came to a head this night, on that field. We kissed, laughed and made jokes as we always did at this particular time of the evening whenever we met. This evening was different, however; things happened that shouldn’t have (or should’ve depending on your view of our relationship). Without saying anything directly she let me know how she truly felt about me. Her hugs had more emotion, her kisses more passionate, there was even a moment that in the months that I had known her I had never seen before. A moment in which she trusted me to do more than just touch her with lustful intentions, but opened herself up to me in a loving manner by lying her head on my chest to hear my heartbeat and held me tighter than she ever had before. It was comforting and scary in the same instance.

I never thought in a million years that this girl, a farm girl from a small town who was the opposite from my big city personality and way of living would ever be overcome with confusion, and frustration on how to deal with her feelings for me. It was flattering and maddening all at once. Here I am, a promiscuous young adult looking for constant one-night love, but wanting something stronger. I was ready and willing to please her needs, but afraid of what would happen next. So like any other Casanova, I kissed her repeatedly, hugged her, caressed her, rolled around the field making sexual advances on her;— yet unlike Casanova I felt something, something I had not felt in a long, long time— a connection. It was as if after all those months of texts, flirting, showering of compliments, I was finally getting what I craved from her—yet I didn’t trust it one bit. Why? I was a dog asking for heartbreak. I hurt so many women before her that I had a feeling it wasn’t meant to last. I know how karma works, and I always had a feeling that karma was waiting in the wings to rear its ugly head and crush something with a girl I truly loved and wanted to be with rather than use for lust and temporary pleasure.

The rain began falling slowly, the street sweepers began their nightly routine and she and I grew tired. As we clasped hands to walk to her place we broke stride a few times to kiss, and laugh and hug. Then something happened something that was happening a lot in our 90 minute sensual excursion, but something I only noticed at that particular time. I was wearing a tie, a red and black striped piece of fabric I had purchased at Macy’s a week earlier. I was going through a change in style that had me out in public in a button-up shirt and tie, with a nice pair of jeans (casual, dressy, and all-around fresh). She had played with my tie all evening as a means of pulling me closer to her for a kiss. This time her pull was interrupted when she noticed that my tie was undone. I came in for a kiss anyway because at this point her lips had become the perfect addiction, a drug similar to ecstasy but healthier, and ten times more potent. She looked at my shirt and said, “I don’t know how to tie a tie.” I explained to her how easy it was and began a brief demonstration. She watched intently as I tied a simple knot I learned from my cousin in law, who taught me because, as he put it, “all men should know how to tie a tie. “ As I showed her step-by-step a thought came over me… it was 3:45 in the morning and here we are in the drizzling rain tying ties, but she didn’t care. She was in no hurry to walk away or go upstairs or go to bed, even though she had to go camping the next day and she was nowhere near ready. It was as if this was where she wanted to be, right here with me doing something with me no matter what, kissing, talking, or tying a tie.

When I finished I walked her through her first attempt, telling her how to make the proper knot. She tried a second time but without me saying a word, as she insisted. I watched her face, as she was displeased with the size of the finished knot. I learned from her facial expressions that she was a perfectionist. For her it was not about just doing something and finishing, but finishing to her liking, no matter if she knew how to do the task at hand or not. So as the rain began falling a tad harder, she undid the knot and tied it again. She was undeterred by the slipperiness the rain caused on the fabric, nor was she bothered by the fact that she was getting soaked; she tied until she was satisfied. When she finished, she fixed my shirt, smoothed out the wrinkles and took a step back—her face said better, but not great. Then she wrapped her arms around me, and placed her head in my chest for a solid two minutes. We didn’t say a word. I kissed her head twice, the rain fell slightly harder, but we didn’t move. At that point I knew that her feelings were genuine. I knew that she felt a certain way about me, and meant it. I was no longer a play toy, or late night hook-up, I was something more. The concrete answer I didn’t know, but I knew something went deeper than just a normal college relationship between two fun-loving individuals.

I said to her, “I gotta get you home, it’s getting late.”

So we held hands again, walked to her door, and said our customary ten-minute good night (we never can just say good-bye, it’s always bye, a two-minute kiss, plans for the next time we meet, another two-minute kiss, laugh, joke, kiss again). I didn’t want to leave, but I had to. She had to pull away or I would’ve never stopped kissing her. We said good-bye and I left. From the time I walked home, passed out, woke up, and went about my daily routine, I could not stop thinking about her. I couldn’t stop thinking about that moment. I couldn’t stop visualizing her eyes watching me tie my tie, or watching her tie it for me. I couldn’t stop thinking about that hug, or the rain, or anything. The moment was surreal, sublime, beautiful and sincere; it made me fall hard for her.

Heaven Forbid

Heaven forbid I ever fall in love again
Never let my head soar above the clouds
Don’t have me mesmerized by those eyes that lay beneath her brows
Heaven forbid I ever kiss you
Never let me sink into your lips
Don’t blind me with a passion that drowns me in her abyss
Heaven forbid I love you
Never gain control of my soul
Don’t have me attached to something I can’t control
Heaven forbid I marry you
Never have me settle down
Don’t give me someone who’s love holds me down
Heaven forbid I meet you
Never give me a chance
Don’t let me fall victim again to another foolish romance

Chamomile

Sweet in smell and taste
her touch soothes you on stressful days
nerve calming, tension taming
perfect on cold nights to get close to
her warmth comforts everyone from the young to the elderly
at times she’s plain, but doesn’t mind if i change her taste
her aroma, reminiscent of flowers and chestnut honey
livens most dormant conditions

Carry me to sleep

And make me dream heavenly dreams.

Secret Love

So beautiful such a wonderful picture
Such a sight to behold and so sad how i miss you
If I came earlier we would be together
maybe high school sweethearts secret love i’ll never,
forget your special days or sacred occasions
Cause you any pain or give you abrasions
I’ll do anything to make you feel like a goddess
For you my secret love i’ll be faithful i promise,
let no one come between us even ourselves
on days you feel like crying until your eyes swell
let me console you in your times of need
I tell you my secret love i’ll give you everything,
comfort and warmth, a brand new car
gold, diamonds and pearls the moon and the stars
champagne wishes and caviar dreams
It’s yours my secret love whatever you dream,
all this i say is just imagination
because i’m too late, too much time i’ve wasted
maybe one day I’ll love you like no other
until then I can only send secret love.

My Own Prison

I lose my breath every time I step
Sometimes I feel like I have nothing left
my body gets weaker each day as the sky turns gray
lady luck’s not on my side, least not today
voices in my head tell me things will be ok
people around me say just keep the faith
I say its kind of hard to pray
with a problem you have could lead to your last days
body’s out of gas yet i cant rest
the worlds on my shoulders causing pain in my chest
i need a moment of sleep, sometime to weep
a quiet spot to clear my mind and retreat
i just wanna be alone for a minute
so i can be rational and stop being a cynic
my own worst critic, trapped in my own prison
sitting around pondering the way that im living.

Self- reflection

Liar?                                       Lover?                                 

(yes)                                      (I am)

Cheater?                             In love?

(no)                                       (am not)

Mischievous?                    Attractive?

(of course)                          (I suppose)

Mean spirited?                 Sexy?

(I think not)                        (far from it)

Do you ever look in the mirror and wonder what you are?

I do.

I like what I see.

Although I wouldn’t mind tweaking a few things.

Pretty Brown Eyes

Pretty Brown Eyes at the coffee shop on High

The thought of them carries me through my long days,

Orange spice tea with two spoons of honey

A smile across your face, this one constant always makes you laugh.

Pretty Brown Eyes so sultry and satisfying

A theme so rare to find,

I lust for blue and every other hue

But yours could suit me for quite a long time.

Pretty Brown Eyes so simple so bright

They could turn cold days to warm nights,

The last thought before I dream

The first thought before I wake.

Pretty Brown Eyes, with hair black or blonde

Full lips, rosy cheeks and a purple rose on your wrist,

Imagery for poetry, a wonderful piece of reality

That is a beautiful everyday occurrence.

Another You

I thought I lost you

For months on end

I lost my wits

To see you with other men

I guess I felt I knew,

I couldn’t find another you.

You had been broken

By lovers and friends.

And I fell victim

To my foolish trends.

I should’ve known what to do,

With someone like you.

When I used to wander

I felt a missing piece inside.

So when the chance for you came again,

I knew you had  to find this time.

I cant promise nothing

I know how you feel

All I can try to do

Is make this feel real.

From this experience I knew,

I’d never find another you.